"Call it grace, whatever..."
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Sometimes, it’s inevitable. An instructor of mine met his current partner a couple of years ago in class. Now they teach together, lead retreats together, have a son together, are generally adorable together. Their thought: why go to yoga and meet so many like-minded people, then walk out the door and start swiping through Tinder?

There’s this onslaught of casual disregard, like the ease at which we can access each other has made it that much easier to discard one another. We’ve divided our days into the smallest increments of attention, making every second we spend outside propagating our own self-worth a fucking waste and it’s pathetic. People show up months, years later feeling entitled to some modicum of your time, because a modicum is all they were willing to spend to garner it. Fuck that. Fuck them. Fuck anyone who thinks that your time, your feelings, your life is something they can disregard.

Regard it. Regard their cowardice. Regard your self-worth.

So I said my piece to this poor soul on OKCupid regarding this.

So I said my piece to this poor soul on OKCupid regarding this.

bold moves realized

I once wrote a thing I was sort of embarrassed about. Then one day I decided to see if being bold would be more fun than being embarrassed.

It was.

The digital landscape is drafty.
ohheyychrissy:

omgclnclncln:

Are you following along with Forty Days of Dating? If not, you should be. 

I have to admit something, dear tumblr. I completely “hate read” the 40 days of dating blog. I hate it. HATE IT. But I can’t look away.
To me, it feels SO forced, so “experimental” that it takes all the fun out of dating. For two people who were friends and starting a relationship it seems like everything the other person does gets on their nerves. The blog is all about how they are on different pages. To me it reads like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole and twisting and twisting hoping you’ll widdle it into a circle.
I am a firm believer that relationships take work but when it’s more work than fun (which is what this sounds like to me) it’s time to walk away. I cringe reading this.
But I keep reading. So I guess they’re winning. 

Precisely the conversation I had with someone who shared this the other day (i’d read the first seven days or so at the time). It feels very contrived and self-promotional and meh, I just can’t help but be turned off by it. But probably tonight I will catch up on the days I haven’t read so far for like an hour and a half.

ohheyychrissy:

omgclnclncln:

Are you following along with Forty Days of Dating? If not, you should be. 

I have to admit something, dear tumblr. I completely “hate read” the 40 days of dating blog. I hate it. HATE IT. But I can’t look away.

To me, it feels SO forced, so “experimental” that it takes all the fun out of dating. For two people who were friends and starting a relationship it seems like everything the other person does gets on their nerves. The blog is all about how they are on different pages. To me it reads like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole and twisting and twisting hoping you’ll widdle it into a circle.

I am a firm believer that relationships take work but when it’s more work than fun (which is what this sounds like to me) it’s time to walk away. I cringe reading this.

But I keep reading. So I guess they’re winning. 

Precisely the conversation I had with someone who shared this the other day (i’d read the first seven days or so at the time). It feels very contrived and self-promotional and meh, I just can’t help but be turned off by it. But probably tonight I will catch up on the days I haven’t read so far for like an hour and a half.

You’re doing it because you don’t want to get this far and realize it was for nothing. But it wasn’t. It’s important to remember that every time you say, “why am I doing this to myself,” that beneath the guilt and shame, there is acknowledgment of worth. And aside from the phrasing and word choice, there is acknowledgment of hope.
But how do you remember that it doesn’t make you feel good? Well first of all, drink less.

Date By Numbers keeping it real as per usual (On Self-Judgment and What You Really Want)

I have conducted rigorous testing on this hypothesis. It is scientifically valid: Drinking less = less stories about that stuff you did because you were drinking BUT ALSO less tears and more feeling awesome about being you in general. There’s some other variables to consider and certainly outliers here and there but researchers tend to agree, drinking is generally why you did that thing that made you upset or sad or sorry.

Be forewarned that if you ever break the heart of a writer, you too will be the unwilling victim of open heart surgery via prose.

The mountains loomed in the distance and I counted the scars on my legs, trying to remember every stumble. I had no course. I never did. But wherever it was I was going, I would get there. I would get there by playlists, by long rides, by plane tickets, by passion, by saying I love you, by standing up for myself, by doing what was wrong and then doing what was right, by doing what was selfish and then doing what was noble, I would get there.

I would get there and I would be fine. And then I would be good. And pretty soon after that, I would be lightning.

Date By Numbers

Today I woke up to sharp words from a person who has never once brought out the good in me. I’d wondered for nearly a year where the story would end and I finally found out this morning: at one of the highest points in southern California, my smile wide and integrity maintained.

Date By Numbers: Anonymous asked: He’s gone now. I gave him a second chance and he... →

datebynumbers:

So when I think about falling in love, I also think about all the things that happened because I wasn’t in love, because there was no one to ask me to stay.

You’re not tired of dating; you’re just tired. You’re tired of bearing the weight alone. You’re tired of an empty apartment and dinner for one. You’re tired of ricocheting off yourself and slugging shots at the bar. You’re tired of playing dress up with no one to dress you down. You’re tired of the excruciating loneliness that creeps onto tingling skin, begging for touch like sucking for air. And so am I. So is she. So is he, and that girl, and those boys, and so many other people you see on the train, in the market, across the table. But we keep doing it because it’s worth it, because it’s everything, because for all the awkward hellos and terrible dinners, there’s one flawed masterpiece who’s singing your harmony…
Of course I wanted to be in love, of course I wanted to have someone light up my night in the darkest hours, of course, of course I did. But I wanted a novel, I wanted a story in motion, and I didn’t want that love to be the end of the story. I wanted him to be a character and I wanted our novels to crash together and rivet us. I wanted to be bewildered and have my breath stolen and the rug ripped out from under me and to read him top to bottom for the rest of time. I didn’t want the prepackaged combined income and health benefits home in the good school district. People told me I would want these things by now. And I tried to. But I exhausted myself trying to be what they wanted.

On Longing (Date By Numbers)

It’s like this little lady lives inside my head, articulating the thoughts I can’t quite get out.

on first dates.

Lately, I’ve found myself afraid that I’m never going to meet a man I like even remotely as much as I love yoga.

How do you impress a girl who’s working on learning that she’s already got everything she needs?

in case you were wondering.

Today my hands-down most favorite dating blogger, Prescott at Date By Numbers, re-blogged a text message I recently got from a man I’d been on a date with. I didn’t post my response but it looks like some of you may have wondered what that was, or if I responded at all. I thought I’d share that, in case you were interested.

It’s a funny thing about being honest with a person - nine times out of ten you are going to get honesty in return. The question is, who puts them self out there first?